Earth Below, Sky Above

Part One I

“I’m not going to lie to you, Harry,” Hart Schmidt said. “I’m a little concerned that you’ve taken me to a maintenance airlock.”

“I’m not going to toss you into space, Hart,” Wilson said. He tapped the outer portal of the airlock, which had among its features a small porthole made of a thick, transparent alloy. “It’s just that the airlocks are one of the only places on this whole godforsaken tub where you can find an actual one of these.”

“Don’t let Captain Coloma catch you calling the Clarke a tub,” Schmidt said.

“She knows it’s a tub,” Wilson said.

“Yes, but she wouldn’t like you to say it,” Schmidt said. “She’d start the purge cycle on this airlock.”

“The captain’s on the bridge,” Wilson said. “And anyway, she’s got a lot of better reasons to space me than me making a crack about her ship.”

Schmidt peered at the porthole. “This isn’t going to be a very good view,” he said.

“It’ll do well enough,” Wilson said.

“There are lots of monitors on the ship that will give you a better look,” Schmidt said.

“It’s not the same,” Wilson said.

“The resolution on the displays is better than your eyes can resolve,” Schmidt said. “As far as your eyes are concerned, it will be exactly the same. Even better, since you’ll be able to see more.”

“It’s not the eyes that matter,” Wilson said. “It’s the brain. And my brain would know.”

Schmidt said nothing to this.

“You have to understand, Hart,” Wilson said. “When you leave, they tell you that you can never come back. It’s not an idle threat. They take everything from you before you go. You’re declared legally dead. Everything you own is parceled out according to your will, if you have one. When you say ‘good-bye’ to people, it really is for the last time. You don’t see them again. You never see them again. You won’t know anything that ever happens to them again. It really is like you’ve died. Then you get on a delta, ride up the beanstalk and get on a ship. The ship takes you away. They never let you come back again.”

“You never considered the idea you might come back one day?” Schmidt said.

Wilson shook his head. “No one ever did. No one. The closest anyone ever comes to it are the guys on the transport ships who stand in front of the room full of new recruits and tell them that in ten years, most of them will be stone dead,” he said. “But even they don’t ever come back, really. They don’t leave the ships, at least not until they get back to Phoenix Station. When you’re gone, you’re gone. You’re gone forever.”

Wilson looked out the porthole. “It’s a hell of a thing, Hart,” he said. “At the time, it might not seem like a bad deal. When the Colonial Union takes you, you’re seventy-five years old, you’ve probably had some major health scare and a few minor ones, you might have bad knees and bad eyes and maybe you haven’t been able to get it up for a while. If you don’t go, then you’re going to be dead. Which means you’ll be gone anyway. Better to be gone and live.”

“It seems reasonable,” Schmidt said.

“Yes,” Wilson agreed. “But then you do go. And you do live. And the longer you live-the longer you live in this universe-the more you miss it. The more you miss the places you lived, and the people you know. The more you realize that you made a hard bargain. The more you realize you might have made a mistake in leaving.”

“You’ve never said anything about this before,” Schmidt said.

“What is there to say?” Wilson said, looking back at his friend. “My grandfather used to tell me that his grandfather told him a story about his grandfather, who immigrated to the United States from some other country. What other country, he wouldn’t say; he never talked about the old country to anyone, Grandpa said, not even his wife. When they asked him why, he said he left it behind for a reason, and whether that reason was good or bad, it was enough.”

“It didn’t bother his wife not knowing where he came from?” Schmidt asked.

“It’s just a story,” Wilson said. “I’m pretty sure Grandpa embroidered that part. But the point is that the past is the past and you let things go because you can’t change them anyway. My grandfather many times over didn’t talk about where he came from because he was never going back. For better or worse, that part of his life was done. For me, it was the same thing. That part of my life was done. What else was there to say?”

“Until now,” Schmidt said.

“Until now,” Wilson agreed, and checked his BrainPal. “Quite literally now. We skip in ten seconds.” He turned his attention back to the porthole, silently counting off the seconds.

The skip was like all skips: quiet, unimpressive, anticlimactic. The glare of the lights in the airlock were enough to wash out the sky on the other side of the porthole, but Wilson’s genetically-engineered eyes were good enough that he could make out a few of the stars.

“I think I see Orion,” he said.

“What’s Orion?” Schmidt asked. Wilson ignored him.

The Clarke turned, and a planet rolled into view.

The Earth.

“Hello, gorgeous,” Wilson said, through the porthole. “I missed you.”

“How does it feel to be home?” Schmidt asked.

“Like I never left,” Wilson said, and then lapsed into silence.

Schmidt gave him a few moments and then tapped him on the shoulder. “Okay, my turn,” he said.

“Go look at a display,” Wilson said.

Schmidt smiled. “Come on, Harry,” he said. “You know it’s not the same.”